T Minus 10 Days

Big, cross country move number 2 is now only 10 days away.  Also known as move number 5 in 3 and a half years.  To say the least, I'm really tired of this whole moving business.  No matter how well acclimated one is to moving, it's a stressful thing.  And one's excitement about the whole moving thing does nothing to relieve the stress that it can create. 

And it's becoming really obvious that I'm stressed out. 

This week has been exhausting, and it really shouldn't have.  When I woke up this morning, I heard my neighbors newspaper being delivered, and expected it was around the normal time of 5am.  Because that's the time it normally gets delivered.  I was shocked when I looked at my clock moments later to discover that it was 6:30am, and I had slept for nearly 10 hours last night.  And even now, after a huge cup of coffee (which, btw, always makes me grateful for my BFF, because she gave me the massive mug eons ago for Christmas) I am still feeling rather lethargic. 

It's one of those "I really need to get motivated to do something" days, and I just can't seem to get going.  Made even worse by the fact that I have many friends running 26.2 miles this weekend.  And I'll be lucky if I even run 2.6 miles. 

But I think I'm going to give myself a break on packing this weekend.  Pretty much from the moment I made the decision that I'm moving, I started packing.  And because I've done this so many times recently, it came really easy.  I knew exactly what order things should be packed in, and how to pack them so things don't get broken.  And before I realized it, 3/4 of my belongings were packed.  And sitting in boxes, taking up what little floor space I have left.  And 10 days might sound like I should get the rest of my stuff packed, but if I do that now, what will I do next weekend?  Besides, I'm not sure my tiny apartment could handle many more boxes at the moment.  And I do still have to live here for the next 10 days.  And the boxes have already been a hazard to my toes.  Currently, my apartment looks like this:

My Living Room/Bedroom.  You can almost see some of the floor.

My "Dining Room"

I've actually been really amazed at how much stuff I was able to cram into this tiny apartment. 

Anyway...10 more days.  I'm almost wishing that it was sooner, just so I could get this whole thing over with.  Being stressed out isn't something I enjoy (but seriously...who does???).  And I'm anxious to get started with my life in IL.  I have a lot to look forward to.  And beyond that, I've been eating like crap lately and just can't seem to stop eating like crap.  But once I get settled, I think it will be a little easier.  Getting back to a normal routine will be nice too. 

A while ago, I started a list of things that I'm not going to miss once I leave DC.  It was a pretty long list.  But it was also really negative.  And once I got through it, I just couldn't seem to post it because it was so ridiculously negative.  All of which makes me realize that I'm definitely making the right decision for myself about moving back home.  Things like rude bus drivers, and getting car sick while riding the bus, and air pollution, and sirens in the middle of the night, having the fire department called to my building twice in as many weeks because other people set their kitchens on fire, community laundry facilities...and The Beltway.  And I'll throw one in for my dad.  Dear Dad, my gift to you as I move home - You will (most likely) never have to drive around a DC traffic circle ever again. 

And there will be things that I'm going to miss.  For one, my friends here in DC.  It's heartbreaking to leave friends behind as you move, but I'm also looking forward to living much closer to a lot of my friends in IL.  And living 15 minutes from Whole Foods. 

A few weeks ago, I had to tell myself not to get too impatient, and to enjoy the last few weeks that I had in DC.  And I'm having to tell myself the same thing now.  Enjoy these last 10 days, because you will never get them back. 

So, I may get a workout in this weekend.  I may not.  But I will try to get out and do...something in DC.  Just because I can. 

The 40 Day Challenge - Day 12

12 days in, and I have not had a cookie, and I have not had any Peanut Butter.  Though every time I go to the grocery store, I longingly look at them as I walk past. 

But it's ok, because I have not caved.

So let's get to the really exciting part about my challenge...the new recipe's!  This has truly been amazing.  And I have absolutely loved every single one.  I've even tried the Sweet Potato with warm Black Bean Salad multiple times.  And it was just as good the second time as it was the first. 

This past Monday, my new recipe was Caramelized Onion and White Bean Flat Bread.  I cheated and used pre-made gluten free pizza crusts, but it was delicious.  And because I've been enjoying the whole new recipe thing, I've actually tried a couple more this week.  Yesterday, I found this great recipe from Whole Foods, their recipe of the day, Mushroom and Tomato Polenta.  Yum-yum.  And this morning, I tried a breakfast dish I saw on Pinterest, basically making an oatmeal...thingy...in a coffee cup in the microwave. 

Ok, so maybe I need a better description for stuff like that, because that doesn't sound appealing at all.  So let me re-phrase.  You take a quarter cup of dry oatmeal, and mix it with an egg, honey (though it was supposed to be brown sugar, but I threw away my brown sugar over the weekend because it was hard, and I'm not buying any new until after I move), cinnamon and a handful of blueberries.  Oh, and you're also supposed to add a splash of milk, but the only thing I had was some rice milk, which was sketchy at best...so I skipped that. 

But I promise, it tasted good.  The only problem was that I was hungry for lunch way early.  So in the future, it will need to be paired with something more filling. 

Ok, I'm a bit ramble-y today. 

So, let me be succinct.  I am loving this challenge.  Especially the new recipe thing, and plan on keeping that up long after the official 40 days are up! 

Comfort

I am sitting here, staring at my computer screen, willing myself NOT to buy 12 pairs of the comfy looking gaucho pants that I found on Target's website. 

As I was packing up part of my closet a couple of weeks ago, specifically, my shoe collection, it once again smacked me in the face (literally) that I am one of those girls that owns 15 pairs of sneakers, and 1 pair of high heels.  Ok, maybe 2.  And even when I do buy heels, I make sure that they are comfortable (yet stylish, as in my ridiculously cute AND comfortable red Mary Jane's...that I danced part of the night away at a friends wedding recently). 

As any single girl in her 30's should never admit, I fear the next statement being made public. 

Eh, what do I care.

I am hard pressed on the weekends, or rather, any hours I am not at work, to get out of sweatpants.  Workout hours not included.  I live for comfort.  I mean, what's the point of doing anything if you're not comfortable while you're doing it.  And I really only wear dress clothes to work because I am forced to.  Not because I really enjoy it.  I'm your jeans and a t-shirt girl, who even at age 30 will not give up my gold tooth pirate shirt, or Oscar the Grouch, or the crown jewel of my collection - Abe Lincoln the pirate.  Actually...in looking at my collection, one would think I have a thing for pirate's. 

Let's not get into the psychology of that. 

Anyway, my point here being - in two weeks, two tiny, short, weeks, I am no longer going to have a 9-5 job.  Which sounds fantastic.  But my concern is that I'm going to turn into a slob that wears nothing but sweatpants, and will also be highlighted on the People of Wal-Mart.  Because I'll be shopping at Wal-Mart now too.  Because that's the only option really when you live 50 miles from Target. 

So I'm sitting here, trying not to buy the gaucho's.  As I was so nicely reminded, I don't need to spend the money,  because for a while, I'm not going to know what my income is actually going to be like.  And I already have sweat pants, and access to a nice washer and dryer (not the crappy things in my current laundry room).  And I really don't need to buy them.  But I want them.  But I don't need them.

So I'm not going to buy them. 

I feel that I must redeem myself a little bit here.  I have already admitted that I don't really enjoy dressing up.  It's not really how I was raised - or more appropriately - my mom would have loved dressing me in frilly clothes growing up, but it because obvious rather early on that I preferred making mud pies than getting all dolled up.  She didn't fight it.  But she did always make sure I was clean, and looked presentable. 

(I did mention this to my mom not that long ago, and she had no idea that looking like a hot mess and walking out the door was not acceptable, or that that was instilled in me growing up.  But even now, my pj's have to match, and I only on rare occasions will I even go outside without showering, and even then, it's only when I'm going out to work out.  And even though I'm wearing comfy clothing, I still make sure I look presentable.)

But anyway...redemption:

I've got some game when it comes to dressing up.  I mean, if I'm going to do it, let's do it right.  I own nice dresses.  I own cute, stylish (yet comfortable) shoes.  And I can dress up if the occasion calls for it. 

But I promise you that once the requirement for being dressed up is over, I would much rather go back to living in my comfy clothes. 

To be honest, I feel like I can be more productive if I'm comfortable, because who wants to be working diligently all day long, and uncomfortable at the same time.  Wouldn't you much rather be comfy AND productive? 

I'm looking forward to my lack of 9-5 lifestyle, and I'm already making plans (plans that MUST be followed through on) to keep myself busy.  But I think one of the things I'm most excited about is NOT getting dressed up every day, and schlepping to the office.

Ahhh...comfort. 

The 40 Day Challenge - Day 6

I am 6 days in.  I have not had a cookie.  And I have not had peanut butter.

But since I am allowing myself other dessert-y type things, I am totally jonesing for some chocolate cake right now. 

But I don't have any chocolate cake.  So I ate a banana. 

I mean, it's almost the same thing, right? 

Banana, chocolate cake, chocolate cake, banana.  Totally the same thing.  Oh, and it almost helps that I ate a piece of dark chocolate before I ate the banana.

But in all seriousness...the week hasn't been THAT difficult within the parameters of the challenge.  The new recipe that I tried on Monday (Meatless Monday, in fact) was delicious, and I already foresee this becoming a staple in my diet.  It was Eating Well's (via Cat) Sweet Potato with Warm Black Bean Salad.  With slight modifications, because I don't currently own Cardamon, and refuse to buy kitchen staples like that until I move, so I used Chili powder instead.  And instead of sour cream i used goat cheese.  Utterly delicious. 

Other than that, it's been a "meh" week.  I've been in a grumpy, cranky, I don't want to deal with people mood most of the week.  I mean, there have been some good moments.  But by and large...one big ugh.  And of course, when those moments hit, they only lead to more frustration and the smallest thing will frustrate me, or make me sad, or frankly, just piss me off.  Ok, so mother nature hates me. 

I also just realized today that I have 2 weeks left of work.  Two weeks!  That is not a lot.  And though I'm excited, really excited, now is the time when it's starting to hit that I'm moving in 2 weeks! 

Side note - it became apparent who does and does not read my blog, even when I post it for the world to see on facebook.  Apparently, it was still a state secret to many that I was moving half way across the country.  But I think I'm in too cranky of a mood to actually write about my feelings about that.  Because it's probably not as severe as I actually am perceiving it to be right now.  So maybe I'll wait to write about it next week. 

Anyway...the 40 day challenge continues. 

The next new recipe is also from Eating Well, Flat Bread with White Bean Puree and Caramelized Onions.  Again, with modifications for my genetically inferior self. But still, it sounds tasty. 

Be Happy!

I am one happy camper right now.  I am.  I'm not bragging...just stating facts.  OK, so maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with moving, and the fact that I'm ridiculously excited about that fact.  Just a hunch on that one.  And at the same time, I feel like I should be...I don't know...sad, or something, about leaving DC.  And I'm going to miss my friends and everything.  But the sadness about that whole situation hasn't really hit me yet. 

That being said, it seems lately that I've gotten more emotionally invested in really sad stories in the news.  And for this, I blame my 108 year old neighbor.  Bear with me here.  I have a very sweet, elderly (obviously, since I call her my 108 year old neighbor, though I don't actually know her age) neighbor, who was pretty much the first person I met in my building.  Like, the day I moved in.  I introduced myself, she introduced herself.  She told me that she used to live in my apartment, and how it's such a nice efficiency. 

Since this initial encounter, I have subsequently been re-introduced to her many times, on an almost bi-weekly basis.  And a couple of weeks ago, on a weekend morning (granted it had been more than the usual 2 weeks since I had seen her), after living just down the hall for 11 months, yes, she introduced herself to me.  Like we'd never met before.  Most often, I've chosen to have a little chuckle about this, her being my cute, 108 year old neighbor.  But this last time really affected me.  Maybe it's all of the other stuff that I have going on in my life right now.  Or maybe I can't be as happy as I am without feeling some pang of sadness.  Whatever it is...this latest re-introduction made me sad.  I know that she's suffering from some type of dementia, or Alzheimer's - the cruelest of all getting old diseases, and for that, I just couldn't laugh this time.  Because that sealed the deal.  That made whatever disease is affecting her mind real to me. 

And since that time, I've been sucked in to news stories that might not have caught my eye previously.  Most recently, it's been a story about 2 identical twins who were found dead in their house, with no known family members.  And even more sad, it appears that they died within moments of one another.  Most likely because one of them died, and then the other just couldn't handle life without the other one.  They had lived a secluded life for many years, having no other close friend than the other twin.  They had no family.  And had gotten even more secluded in the past few months.  In fact, it was days before anyone even found them, and only then, it was because the police were kind enough to do a routine stop at their house to make sure everything was ok.  Well, this time, it wasn't.  Fortunately, the update today made me happy, because so many people who had also gotten sucked into the story had done research, and actually found family members for these two women.  So an almost happy ending there.

But beyond this, stories about school shootings, and trials of hate crimes, and hate crimes happening in my own home town...the home town I am moving back to...make me sad.  I know, and have known, for many years that the news often highlights the bad things that happen.  Because apparently stories that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside don't sell.  Apparently, drama sells.  Hate sells.  Death sells.  And apparently, Snooki being both pregnant *gasp* and engaged *gasp, gasp* are what really sells. 

Ok, so I haven't been sucked in to actually reading any of the stories about Snooki.  I just can't do it.  Seeing the headlines day after day after day just makes me sick.  As if a beach bum from Jersey being both pregnant and engaged is news worthy?  Is it really that rare of an occurrence?  If so...maybe THAT should be the story instead. 

And let's not even talk about the Republican primary's right now, or Rush Limbaugh...because my brain cells are more valuable that writing even more about two topics that have had more written about them than any of the other stories I've mentioned.  And that's fine, I have opinions...but my brain is tired of them both.

So what do I want?  Beyond just a chance to vent my frustration...let's just...be happy.  Let's talk about positive things.  Let's focus on something good that has happened.  Do something nice for someone.  It doesn't have to be anything big.  Sometimes, just asking if someone needs help is all that they need. 

Let me give you an example.  Last night, I decided it was a good idea to finally carry home some of the boxes I've been collecting in my office.  I had several, and they were getting in my way.  And I should probably fill them up this weekend anyway.  So I collected them, and put one box together, and put the rest in that box.  And let me add, I didn't have any real packing tape in my office...just your standard scotch tape.  I think you can probably guess where this story is going.  Let's just say, approximately 2 blocks from home, the box that was verging on coming apart came apart.  And as a result, all of the other boxes ended up on the sidewalk.  So I devised a new method that actually worked to keep all the boxes together...let's just say I should probably have an honorary Engineering degree for what I worked out.  Or at least a MacGuyver certificate.  But as I was being all mad and frustrated, collecting boxes...with other people not close, but...you know...around...and of course no one stopped.  And at that exact moment...just when I was wishing that someone cared...a woman pulled over and asked if I needed help.  I politely told her I didn't need help.  Because I didn't need her help.  What I did need, and what she gave me, was the knowledge that I wasn't alone. 

So, when, a block later, my MacGuyver certificate was momentarily yanked back when all of the boxes once again ended up on the ground, I didn't feel so bad. 

And then, when one of my building mates almost locked me out of the building, because he didn't notice I was right behind him.  With a massive amount of boxes.  He seemed genuinely upset that he wasn't polite, and held the door open for me. 

Lately, this has been a good reminder that people can actually be genuinely good.  And it's been nice to see.  And I think in a world where so much negative abounds - it's nice to see someone do something positive.  And pass it on. 

The 40 Day Challenge - Day 1

I'm going to do it.  I'm going to do something for 40 days.  But it's going to be more than just giving something up for 40 days.  My goal in this...project...if you will...is to do something for myself, that is going to be a benefit both to my physical health, and my mental well being.  So I will be giving something up, but I'll also be doing something for myself as well.  

So, the parameters are:

1) No cookies and/or Peanut Butter - Both of these are trigger foods that once I start eating, I don't stop eating them.  Most of the time.  And they are both things that I love.

2) At least once a week, try a new, healthy recipe - This is going to be a lot of fun.  I love food, and I love looking through recipes, and doing research.  Plus, the added bonus of changing things up in the food department.  Realistically, this is something that needed to happen anyway, and was already considering doing, just not on such a "strict" basis.

3) Meatless Mondays! - I grew up eating really good meat.  Meat that I had seen raised myself.  And as an adult, I do love a good steak.  But at the same time, I've also went through periods where I just couldn't stomach a piece of meat, or even the thought of eating a piece of meat.  As a result, I spent 6 months being a mostly vegetarian, and loved it.  But then I got yelled at by my nutritionist because I wasn't eating enough protein.  So I still love meat, but I think feeding my inner vegetarian at least once a week is a good idea. 

I'm excited about this new challenge, and am hopeful in the next few weeks of insanity, things won't fall off the deep end.  And it's not like I won't be able to indulge myself at all.  I mean...I can still eat ice cream...so I think I'll be ok there.  At least I hope so.  I even have my first new recipe all picked out thanks to my friend Cat - Sweet Potatoes with Warm Black Bean Salad.  I've been wanting to try this one since I first read about it.  And...bonus! It helps satisfy 2 of my parameters!!!  As long as I don't have cookies for desert, I'll be good to go!  

I had a weird dream last night.  And I'm 50/50 about whether or not I remember the dream or not.  But at least part of the dream I do remember.  I was swimming in a pool, and people kept swimming in my lane, and getting in my way.  And then at the end of the dream, the water was draining out, so by the time I got to the end of the lane, I couldn't swim any more because the water was so shallow.  Now, I don't do this all the time when I remember a dream, but the ones that really stick out to me, I do.  I look up what the dream interpretation can mean.  My BFF has helped with this, but often I just look it up online.  Most of the time, stuff like this wouldn't mean that much to me.  I'm not really into horoscopes or anything, but every single time I do read the interpretation for my dream, it really resonates with what is going on in my life - so I do give it some credit.  

According to DreamMoods.com seeing a swimming pool in your dream means:

Swimming Pool
To see a swimming pool in your dream symbolizes relaxation, calmness, luxury and ease. You need to take a break. Alternatively, a swimming pool suggests that you need to acknowledge and understand your feelings. It is time to dive in and deal with those emotions. You need to cleanse yourself and wash away past hurts. Consider the depth of the pool. If you were swimming on the deep end, then it means that those emotions are deeply seeded and may be harder to confront.. You will need to work through it, no more matter how difficult. If you are swimming on the shallow end, then it implies that you should be able to easily deal with your feelings.

See what I mean about resonating with me?  I do need a break.  And I do feel the need for a cleansing.  And oddly enough, without realizing it, I've been trying to do that in my day to day life anyway.  It's not that I don't shower, because I do at least once a day.  But lately, I've felt the need to just do an extra good job at it.  Partly because I've been packing, and am incredibly dirty by the time I get done.  And part of it...well...it just makes me feel good.  

Now, because I was also actually swimming in the pool, we can look at:

Swimming
To dream that you are swimming suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

So, I'm not going through therapy right at the moment.  But part of this still resonates with me.  Lately, I've been talking to one of my friends especially about what is going on in my life, with moving half way across the country, and taking on a job that is a completely new adventure.  And though she's excited for me, and could not be happier that I'm doing what I really want to be doing, and living where I want to live, she's also sad that I'm leaving.  We see each other almost every single day, and it's just going to be a big change.  And I get that.  And I know at some point, it's probably going to just smack me in the face that I'm not going to see her every day, and at that point, I'm going to be sad too.  Not that I don't realize the changes that are going to be happening.  But at the moment, I am so ecstatic about the move, and the new job, that those emotions just haven't showed up yet.  And it feels a little weird that I'm not really sad at all about leaving DC...which to me truly means that I have made the right decision.  It's almost like I'm in a euphoric state when I think about moving.  And at some point, I'm sure I'm going to have a bit of an adrenaline crash about the whole thing.  Who knows when that is going to happen.  But I'm positive it will.  And I think my unconscious brain is trying to tell me that I need to be prepared for that to happen.  Or maybe my  brain is already starting down that path.   Or maybe I feel like I should be slightly less euphoric, and a little more sad about leaving.  Who knows.  But something is definitely nagging me a little.  

That was definitely a bit of a side track.  But at the same time, it all resonates to the same thing.  I need to kick things up a little, make even some slight changes.  Hence...perfect timing for my 40 day challenge.  

Oh, I didn't mention one of my other goals about the challenge.  To write about what's going on.  And write often.  Maybe not every day.  But write about it.  How I'm feeling, how is it going.  Remember how I feel.  So check back, check in, and please, don't give me a cookie :) 

 

40 Days

I am not Catholic now, nor was I raised Catholic.  So I have never given anything up for Lent.  I was, however, raised in a Catholic community, where conversations about what you were giving up for Lent were commonplace.  Considering my family didn't participate in this practice, nor did any of my close friends, I never really paid much attention to what it was, or why they were giving something up that they so dearly loved.  And, of course, no meat (except fish) on Fridays. 

But the true history of Lent has a much deeper meaning, and according to the Catholic Encyclopedia, Lent is a time of fasting (typically from something one considers a luxury) and an opportunity to grow closer to God.  My thought about 7th Graders giving something up for Lent is that it's more of a custom or tradition, and these kids are likely going to miss the big picture here, and aren't going to spend a whole lot of time considering how they are growing closer to God.  I'm not saying it's not possible...it's just not likely. 

And again, not having a lot of Catholic friends, I haven't honestly given Lent, and giving something up, much thought over the past 10 years or so.

It wasn't until recently that my mind came back to this topic.  A few of my friends had posted on Facebook about Lent, etc.  But it was another friends comment that really got my mind spinning.  And it's likely that the reason is that the comment came from a different angle.  It was more along the lines of "doing something for 40 days."

Other than normal, bodily functions (like breathing, eating, sleeping, blinking) have I ever done anything for 40 days straight? 

The answer?  No.  Not with purpose. 

So over the past week, I've been mulling over the idea of either doing something for 40 days, or giving something up for 40 days.  Or maybe even doing both.  And if so, what is it going to mean to me.  I'm still not Catholic, and I don't plan on converting.  And what would I choose to do and give up for 40 days?  Work out 40 days in a row?  Go 40 days without eating a cookie? 

I have historically been a person that gives myself guidelines to follow (eat healthy, do not buy peanut butter, do not buy cookies, get up early every day and work out) but I've also frequently succumbed to "life happens" and fallen off the wagon faster than a gun drawn at the OK Corral.  I just try to do well one single day.  And then the next day, try to do well that day too.  And if life happens, well, life happens.  Try to do well again tomorrow. 

But the idea of doing a 40 day challenge is intriguing to me.  Obviously, I wouldn't be aligning my challenge with the actual Lent dates, and I'm not even using the opportunity to get closer to God as a reason (though if it happens, kudos!), but the more I think about the idea, the more I like it.

So, dear readers, especially you Catholics out there...I want more information.  What do you often choose to give up?  What does this mean to you?  Please, share your stories.  Because right now, I'm not sure I'm even going to do this, and I'm definitely not sure that attempting such a feat in the middle of a cross country move is the right time.  But I'm intrigued, and I might just give it a shot.  Maybe now is the perfect time.