Funky...

I'm in a funk. And I'm not sure why.

I'd like to think that it's a combination of the weather, and having been sick for longer than any one person should be...but I'm not sure that's it.

I do have a good life...a job that I love...and that I do very well at. And I have very good friends.

Maybe this isn't a bad thing...but I have absolutely no motivation to attempt to be in a relationship. It's been nearly a year since my last real date. But part of me just doesn't care. I have absolutely no stomach for going to bars to try to meet people...and online dating makes my stomach turn even more. Not that I haven't tried it. I have. It just doesn't interest me. And even the thought of explaining my life to someone new just doesn't even seem like it would be fun.

Maybe I'm just picky. Maybe I refuse to settle. Maybe I already feel like I'm one half of an old married couple...but am still single. Yeah...that's a confusing situation. One that I don't completely understand...so I won't even begin to attempt it. I don't have answers...and for now...I think I'm ok with that. I've always been impatient...and at times...it's very hard to deal with...I just want to be settled...but at the same time...I should be grateful that I know who I am...and what I want. And I refuse to settle. I've been in a bad relationship. A really bad relationship. And I will not go back. I refuse.

And part of it is so hard to describe. I've had such a hard time putting it into words. Maybe I need to figure it out. Maybe I should remind myself of what I do have in my life that is good. Sometimes I miss what it's like when you first meet...but at the same time...there is comfort in being able to go grocery shopping, or to Wal-Mart together, or to the laundromat. Isn't that better than someone you're so shy around you can barely talk?

I don't know. Maybe it's hormones...the snow...the plague...or just a combination of everything.

All I know is that I'm in a funk...and I don't like it.

Stupid snow...I'm ready for Spring!