It's been a long year.
Ok, it actually feels like this year has flown by. But it's been a long year.
One week from today, I was supposed to be making a 6 hour drive with my parents to complete my first 70.3. Key phrase: "supposed to." The whole trip has transformed several times over the past month...transformed...in fact...into non-existence.
First...I was still going to participate in the 70.3, and complete as much of it as I could, knowing that I wouldn't be able to finish the entire thing.
A few weeks ago, I realized that I wasn't even sure I would be able to get past the swim of the half (even though I did in May at Kinetic). So I switched to the sprint. No big deal. I would be happy with the Sprint...and focus my energy on completing a half at the end of the season. I had a couple of decent long runs on the weekends, and I was feeling good.
Wait...I should take a step back. "Feeling good" is probably not the correct term here. I'm not actually sure the last time I really felt good. I can't remember the last time I wasn't so tired I wanted to lay down and sleep for a month and a half. I don't remember the last time I went an entire day without my stomach or side killing me for at least a portion of the day. So really...feeling good was finishing an 8 mile run and not hurting too badly. And actually feeling at that point like I could run further if I really wanted to. I felt that I'd actually accomplished something because that was the longest run I had completed since my marathon in January.
It's not that I'm just being lazy. I'm not. In the portion of my brain that is Type A, and must be going all the time...and thinks that it's horrendous if I lay on the couch...that side of my brain is thinking that it's laziness. But it's really not. Deep down...and sometimes not so deep down...I know that I need to take it easy right now, and wait until everything is fixed...then I can go back to being crazy in a good way...and not just stir crazy.
For a long time...I thought that the issues I was having might just be in my head. It didn't help that a "friend" told me he thought that's what the problem was. But it's not. I have proof that it isn't. I swear...reading through the report of the MRI I had done...and finding out that I had gallstones...I was elated! Really, comparatively, the diagnosis is much better than a lot of the things they were looking for. I'm glad that they found it when they did because 1) I really didn't want to go through anymore painful, invasive tests and 2) it's been getting worse in the past 2 weeks. A lot worse.
I've been told a few times over the past year or so that I have a ridiculously high tolerance for pain. Well...I'm paying for it now. It took a long time for me to say anything about not feeling well...and by the time I did...it was too late. My mom told me a long time ago that she could always tell when I was faking being sick growing up because she could see it in my eyes. A few days ago...after feeling horrible for a week and a half...3 people, in one day, told me that I looked like crap. At least they were honest...because I do. Worse than post-cavity, half numb face crap. That's bad. Plus...without even trying...I've lost 5 pounds...in the last week.
So where does that leave me? Well...Musselman will have to wait another 12 months. So the whole fun family trip that was supposed to happen now has been postponed, and instead of having the parents here for July 4...the parents will be here to take care of me pre and post surgery. I'm meeting with the surgeon on Monday. I'm scared...but at the same time...I just want this to be over with. I want my life back.
I know it's coming...but being patient is hard.
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