I didn't ask for this.

I feel like this always happens to me. I meet someone. We start talking. We start flirting. There's a connection there. Then something seemingly unseen happens...and I get insecure yet again. And I get pissed at myself for letting myself like someone.

I didn't ask for it this time. In the past...I've been looking. This time...I had given up. I'd completely given up. Not even wanted anything. And it happened again.

And nothing has happened. I just feel like it's never going to happen. Like I've yet again done something wrong. Like who I am is wrong. And again...he's just going to disappear.

I hate feeling like this. Like who I am is wrong. Like some little insecure person who is just...wrong.

I know part of the problem. I actually know a couple of parts of the problem. But I don't know how to fix them. Part is hormones. Part of it is being "damaged goods." Past relationships that didn't work out making me insecure of who I am.

It doesn't help I'm homesick. I'm actually homesick. I'm in the middle of nowhere...and I miss home. I miss my own bed.

Blerg.

I want this to be over. I didn't want this in the first place.