I'm in a funk. And I'm not sure why.
I'd like to think that it's a combination of the weather, and having been sick for longer than any one person should be...but I'm not sure that's it.
I do have a good life...a job that I love...and that I do very well at. And I have very good friends.
Maybe this isn't a bad thing...but I have absolutely no motivation to attempt to be in a relationship. It's been nearly a year since my last real date. But part of me just doesn't care. I have absolutely no stomach for going to bars to try to meet people...and online dating makes my stomach turn even more. Not that I haven't tried it. I have. It just doesn't interest me. And even the thought of explaining my life to someone new just doesn't even seem like it would be fun.
Maybe I'm just picky. Maybe I refuse to settle. Maybe I already feel like I'm one half of an old married couple...but am still single. Yeah...that's a confusing situation. One that I don't completely understand...so I won't even begin to attempt it. I don't have answers...and for now...I think I'm ok with that. I've always been impatient...and at times...it's very hard to deal with...I just want to be settled...but at the same time...I should be grateful that I know who I am...and what I want. And I refuse to settle. I've been in a bad relationship. A really bad relationship. And I will not go back. I refuse.
And part of it is so hard to describe. I've had such a hard time putting it into words. Maybe I need to figure it out. Maybe I should remind myself of what I do have in my life that is good. Sometimes I miss what it's like when you first meet...but at the same time...there is comfort in being able to go grocery shopping, or to Wal-Mart together, or to the laundromat. Isn't that better than someone you're so shy around you can barely talk?
I don't know. Maybe it's hormones...the snow...the plague...or just a combination of everything.
All I know is that I'm in a funk...and I don't like it.
Stupid snow...I'm ready for Spring!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
The Plague, Frustration, Tears of Joy and Blizzards 'a Plenty...
I. Hate. Being. Sick.
I have been sick with something I have lovingly called "The Plague" for foreeeeeeeeeevver (at least that's how long it feels). Real time, I've been sick for about 3 weeks. It started off as a simple enough cold.
Ha.
It then turned into Bronchitis...which grandly was accompanied by insane amounts of fatigue. Even now, 3 weeks in, I have good moments, and I have some really bad moments. For someone that is as active as I normally am, having the energy to do no more than lay on the couch has been slightly frustrating. And by slightly...I really mean EXTREMELY.
Not only have I not had any energy, my brain function has decreased...so I end up not being able to spit out words that any normal day I would have nary a problem with. And I also end up asking stupid questions that I should be able to answer myself.
I did go to the Dr...and she put me on antibiotics. And side note here. I am a completely new experience for this Dr. First...this is a Dr. in an Allergy and Asthma clinic...so one would think they would be used to people with "sensitivities." I can't have lactose. Which drug manufacturers just happen to put in some medicines. For no good reason...other than it makes the pills all shiny and pretty. Really...I'd rather have medicine that isn't going to eff up my digestive system, than one that *shines*. So needless to say...finding medicine that I could take was quite an ordeal. She literally had to look each one up, and read every single ingredient. But we finally worked out a plan. And it worked...for the most part. The congestion cleared up. But the fatigue is still around.
Some moments are ok. Some...not so good. I was actually thinking today would be absolutely horrible. Not only do I have this wonderful bug that causes me to be extremely tired all the time...I also have bouts of insomnia. Yeah...it happens. So I woke up before 2am this morning and absolutely couldn't get back to sleep. I thought I would be horribly tired all day, and not worth anything. But fortunately that hasn't been the case.
I think one factor in this is that a very rare thing is happening here in DC. We are fully in the midst of our second blizzard of the season. DC...which hadn't had this much snow at one time in 32 years...is now gearing up to have the second dumping in less than 2 months. Weird winter, indeed.
But what this really means for me is that I got out of work early today. At 1pm in fact. So this morning everyone tried to get as much work done as possible...and we got everything needed done...and then we got to come home early. I did lay on the couch for a couple of hours...and watched a couple of episodes of House....but then I decided to spin.
To premise this...since my marathon 4 weeks ago...I have ran 6 miles (total) swam 3 times, and went spinning 3 times. And that's it. I hate it. And even the work outs that I have been doing have just felt horrible. I've been sluggish, and damn near drowned in the pool the other night. But tonight...I decided to just get on my bike...and try to last a half an hour...which is what I did the 2 previous times I went spinning. About 20 minutes in...something weird happened. I started smiling. It felt so amazingly good...I nearly started crying tears of joy.
I know that I'm not completely recovered...and I will probably sleep very well tonight. But hopefully I am on the road to recovery. As well I should be. Typical bronchitis recovery takes 2-3 weeks...and since I'm not typical...and I have asthma...I'm sure it will take me longer. But I know I will enjoy every work out I'm able to do...and am looking forward to getting back to a normal schedule.
I have been sick with something I have lovingly called "The Plague" for foreeeeeeeeeevver (at least that's how long it feels). Real time, I've been sick for about 3 weeks. It started off as a simple enough cold.
Ha.
It then turned into Bronchitis...which grandly was accompanied by insane amounts of fatigue. Even now, 3 weeks in, I have good moments, and I have some really bad moments. For someone that is as active as I normally am, having the energy to do no more than lay on the couch has been slightly frustrating. And by slightly...I really mean EXTREMELY.
Not only have I not had any energy, my brain function has decreased...so I end up not being able to spit out words that any normal day I would have nary a problem with. And I also end up asking stupid questions that I should be able to answer myself.
I did go to the Dr...and she put me on antibiotics. And side note here. I am a completely new experience for this Dr. First...this is a Dr. in an Allergy and Asthma clinic...so one would think they would be used to people with "sensitivities." I can't have lactose. Which drug manufacturers just happen to put in some medicines. For no good reason...other than it makes the pills all shiny and pretty. Really...I'd rather have medicine that isn't going to eff up my digestive system, than one that *shines*. So needless to say...finding medicine that I could take was quite an ordeal. She literally had to look each one up, and read every single ingredient. But we finally worked out a plan. And it worked...for the most part. The congestion cleared up. But the fatigue is still around.
Some moments are ok. Some...not so good. I was actually thinking today would be absolutely horrible. Not only do I have this wonderful bug that causes me to be extremely tired all the time...I also have bouts of insomnia. Yeah...it happens. So I woke up before 2am this morning and absolutely couldn't get back to sleep. I thought I would be horribly tired all day, and not worth anything. But fortunately that hasn't been the case.
I think one factor in this is that a very rare thing is happening here in DC. We are fully in the midst of our second blizzard of the season. DC...which hadn't had this much snow at one time in 32 years...is now gearing up to have the second dumping in less than 2 months. Weird winter, indeed.
But what this really means for me is that I got out of work early today. At 1pm in fact. So this morning everyone tried to get as much work done as possible...and we got everything needed done...and then we got to come home early. I did lay on the couch for a couple of hours...and watched a couple of episodes of House....but then I decided to spin.
To premise this...since my marathon 4 weeks ago...I have ran 6 miles (total) swam 3 times, and went spinning 3 times. And that's it. I hate it. And even the work outs that I have been doing have just felt horrible. I've been sluggish, and damn near drowned in the pool the other night. But tonight...I decided to just get on my bike...and try to last a half an hour...which is what I did the 2 previous times I went spinning. About 20 minutes in...something weird happened. I started smiling. It felt so amazingly good...I nearly started crying tears of joy.
I know that I'm not completely recovered...and I will probably sleep very well tonight. But hopefully I am on the road to recovery. As well I should be. Typical bronchitis recovery takes 2-3 weeks...and since I'm not typical...and I have asthma...I'm sure it will take me longer. But I know I will enjoy every work out I'm able to do...and am looking forward to getting back to a normal schedule.
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