Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Healing Process

Ironman Arizona was 2 and a half weeks ago.  I've now been back to work (in my office) for a week.  Every day in the 2 and a half week, every single day, I've had to explain to someone what happened.  I have accepted what happened that day from the very beginning, in fact, probably before I actually missed the cut off, I had prepared myself for this.  And I also knew from the very beginning that I was going to have to tell people.  And that telling people was going to suck.  And I was fairly certain of the responses that I was going to get from people.  From my endurance athlete friends, they surpassed the anticipated support and comfort offered.  Occasionally, from my non-endurance athlete friends, you get the deer in the headlights look.  I've told them what happened, and they really didn't understand what I was doing in the first place, or what it really meant.  So then to hear that I wasn't successful is baffling to them.  They REALLY don't know what that means.  This is also, occasionally, amusing.  But far more frequently, it's frustrating.  I understand that people mean well when they ask about it.  But it's getting really freaking old.  How much longer am I going to have to answer this question?  Days, weeks...MONTHS??? 

In an attempt not to go bat-shit crazy, pull my hair out, or beat anyone who might ask me the dreaded question with a 2x4, I am instead using this as motivation.  Motivation in the form of "I never want to answer this question ever again, so I'm going to make sure I don't have to" type of motivation. 

I knew long before the race that I wanted and needed to take some time off.  Other than when I was recovering from surgery, I haven't really taken time off from working out, or at the very least, given myself permission to take time off...so I wouldn't feel guilty for not working out.  I gave myself 2 weeks, and then a week of transitional time (which we're currently in the middle of). 

The two weeks off were...somewhat fantastic.  I wasn't at home, which was fine.  I spent time with family, I ate pizza and cookies with great pleasure, and I had some very lovely wine.  I gained weight, and I knew at the time what I was eating was going to make that happen.  And I gave myself permission for that to be ok.  So what happened at the end of the two weeks?  I came back home, and felt like crap because I had been eating pizza, and other assorted yumminess and stepped on the scale.  My first thought was "huh, I didn't gain as much as expected."  Ok, so it was 4 pounds. 

I immediately got back on the wagon of eating healthy (except for one, well deserved evening where I consumed a mostly liquid dinner with two of my favorite people...and the following day where the fastest way to feel better was to eat some greasy food).  I even did my first official, structured work out this week.  And it felt great. 

So, at the moment, I'm feeling a bit of...what's next?  Where do I go from here?  Well, my winter goals of strength training and swimming are still at the top of the list.  And I need to make a more structured training schedule for myself.  Nothing super intensive, no two a day workouts.  Something manageable, but productive.  Any maybe throw in some stuff that isn't swimming, biking or running.  *gasp*  Maybe doing something else that  -

Sorry...my mind began to wander.  And I found myself incapable of finishing that sentence. It's purely to blame on sentence structure because I was thinking "other things that make you sweat" and in my head I was referring to cleaning my apartment (because mopping floors can be hard work).  And then I listened to my own sentence in my head.  And now I'm sure you're thinking it too. 

You're welcome :)

It's funny, one would think it's the physical trauma that your body needs the most recovery from.  And while your body does need rest, I often think/wonder if it's the mental recovery that takes longer.  I know I definitely need the time.  And I'm looking forward to checking off a few of things on my "when I have time, I should really..." list. 

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