A Year in Review

Typically, I do my yearly reflection around my birthday, but considering I was peaking for Ironman training, among other things that kept my brain less than fully functioning, even if I had attempted to do anything like that, it wouldn't have been overly successful.  So, now at the end of the year, why not. 

I'm not one to make resolutions.  I never have been.  I don't need a holiday to celebrate something, and I don't need the end of a year to incite me to make any significant life changes.  But the fact that the end of the calendar year coincides with other events to lead me to make some changes is merely a coincidence.  I swear. 

In looking back over the past year, the first thing that comes to mind is...do I feel any different than I did a year ago?  Did anything major happen?  And my first instinct is to say...no.  I don't feel any different than I did a year ago.  But taking a step back, of course, the changes are there.  Was it really just a year ago that I was preparing to run 42.4 miles in the course of 3 days.  And a year ago, I was ramping up to my first Ironman. 

It's been a rough year.  Let's leave it at that, because re-hashing the failures of the past year isn't a positive thing in my head right now.  And would only cause more pain than they're worth.  But to say that I have learned things is obvious.  I've learned things about myself.  I've learned things about racing.  And beyond anything else, I have learned that being cold really sucks. 

But let's point out a few key positive points from the past year.

• I learned that I can, in fact, run 42.4 miles in the course of 3 days and survive.  When it comes to racing, this is definitely the highlight of the past year.  And I have a lot of bling as a result.  
• Not so much a learning experience as an overcoming experience...I started having fun riding my bike, and I lost some of the fear that having half of my face scraped off a couple of years ago gave me. 
• I have a long way to go, and an uphill battle all the way.  But I work best when I have tough circumstances to fight against, so I'm putting this in the positive column as well. 

In looking at the past,  I want to leave it there, in the past.  The rough training and racing days.  The thousands of airline miles I have accumulated over the past year, and none of it for a truly relaxing experience (except the one I'm nearing the end of right now).  The bad dates, and not really any good ones (bad just isn't nearly a good enough descriptor for some of the things I've experienced over the past year, but we don't have nearly enough time to re-hash all of that right now...nor should I need to).  The fun, the pain, the joy.  All of it.  Sometimes I really do just want to leave it all in the past.  Locked away for good, never to see the light of day ever again.

It isn't possible.  All of the experiences that I've had in the past go with me everywhere I go.  I can't let them weigh me down, as that would impede progress of any form.  But it's all back there, as a gentle reminder.  Some of it reminds me to work harder, no matter how tired, or cranky I am.  Some of it reminds me of the things I have overcome.  But it's all there.

So...what's next?  If I thought the past year was a big one, I think the upcoming year is going to be even bigger.  And hopefully better.  And I have goals, a lot of goals.  One of them is slightly dependent upon an email I'm supposed to receive on January 6, which could affect where I am 6 months from now.  But I'm still trying not to think about it too much (is that creating enough suspense?)  (It really shouldn't, just look at past posts)  I know that I want to get more comfortable in the water this year.  Not that I'm uncomfortable.  Ok, so I don't want to suck as badly at swimming.  And beyond that, there are race goals, personal goals, weight goals, everything.  But I'm hesitant to say I want to finish x amount of races before I can do y, and if I don't weigh z before then I'm going to be really upset with myself.  Nothing good can come from that.  I will do what I can do, and I will be as pleased with the result as I can be. 

Ok, so I finally want to finish a stupid Ironman.
I want to get into Law School.
And I really want to drop 30 (35?) pounds before all of that happens.

There.  I said it.  It's all out there in the open.  But one of the most important things that the past year has taught me is that you absolutely should set goals, and you may or may not accomplish them.  But it's what you do after that that is most important.  You can either lay down and quit, or you can get up and fight.  Fight for what you want.  Strive for what you want.  Figure out what you need to do to make it happen, whatever that may be.  But...Do. Not. Quit. 

I think it's obvious the path I have chosen.